Are you creating your life on your terms or is your life creating you?

Interesting question!  What comes up for you when you read that question?  Do you think to yourself, or course I’m creating life on my terms?  Or do you wonder…what does it mean…”is your life creating you?”
I invite you to really think about that question and write down what comes up for you.
When we are creating life on our terms, we are the star of our own movie.  We are not only the star, we are the writer, the director, the producer, and the editor.  When life is creating you, you are simply a star in someone else’s movie and you certainly are not the writer, director, producer or editor, or are you?
When we are creating life on our terms, we first must know what it is we want. When we are really crystal clear on what we want our life to look like, then we can begin creating our movie script.  I also like to refer to it as our life script or life vision.  If we are not clear on what we want our life to look like, we will not be able to create it.  Clarity is so important when we desire to create our life on our terms!
I’ll use an analogy of setting out on a road trip in your car.  If you have not picked your destination, decided how you want to feel during your trip, and what you want to experience, how do you know when you’ve arrived and how can you insure that you have a fantastic experience?  In other words, if you don’t know where you are going, how do you know when you get there and if you ever get there?  How do you create the experience that you want when you don’t define it first?
If you are not sure what you want, here are some steps you can take to gain clarity:
  1. Get a journal or notebook and pen (preferably a journal and pen that really feel and look good to you…something really special that is worthy of holding your creative sparks)
  2. Create a space for yourself where you will not be distracted or interrupted.  Turn off all electronic devices, put on some relaxing or upbeat music (which ever gets the creative juices flowing), and pick a location where you feel safe, inspired and happy. Take time to drop into a state of stillness and focus on your breath.  Just get quiet and breathe.  If you have a meditation practice, follow your ideal path to entering into meditation and quieting your mind.
  3. Commit to setting aside a certain amount of time that you know you can remain focused on the activity.  If that is 30 minutes, great!  If you can devote more time, like an hour, even better!  If you really can only spare 15 or 20 minutes, take it and be committed to that chunk of time!
  4. Answer the following questions related to the key areas of life: Physical Health, Emotional/Mental Health, Relationships (Intimate, Family, Social), Career/Mission, Finances, Spirituality, Contribution/Legacy.  As you journal, do not “think” to hard about the questions and answers, just write what comes to you in a stream of consciousness style.
    • What do I really want my life to look like in these key areas?
    • What do I want to be, feel, do, have, or create in these areas?
    • What brings me joy, lights that spark within me, ignites my passion, etc…
    • What do I long for in these areas that I currently am not experiencing?
    • Does my life feel meaningful?
    • Do I like or even love myself?
    • Do I know what I believe?  What do I believe?  Do I believe in myself?  Do I believe I can create the life I desire?  Do I believe that I can gain clarity around what I want?
    • What new experiences would I like to create in my life?
    • How and what do I want to contribute to life, society, my community, my family, etc…
    • How are my relationships with my family, friends, spouse /intimate partner?
    • Do I have a support structure of family and friends around me that are empowering and inspiring to be around?
    • These are just some questions that will help you get started to gain clarity around what you want to create in your life.
  5. When seeking to gain clarity about what you want in a key area of your life, it also will be helpful for you to write out the situation in that area as it currently exists.  Then right out the experience that you desire for that area of your life.  Add as much detail as possible to your description.
The exercise above may take some time, several sittings in fact, which is perfectly fine.  The point is to simply take the time, however much you want, to do the self-exploration and put pen to paper.  This will help bring order to your mind and therefore clarity about what is important to you.  To design a life on your terms, you must cultivate the clarity about what it is that you want your life to look like.
When we do not have clarity and have not intentionally invested the time to define what it is that we want, we find ourselves taking what life throws at us and feeling like a victim of circumstance.  It begins to feel as if Life is creating us and we don’t have any power in the creation process.
Here’s the real truth, however, whether you want to believe it or not, you are always the creator of your life!  The question then is this…Do you feel like you are the creator of your life or do you feel like you are a victim of circumstance and life is happening to you?
Your answer to this question is extremely telling and vitally important to you living the life you dream of on your terms.
If you see yourself as a victim of circumstance, you will tend to focus on, continually see evidence of, and therefore create more of those circumstances that you don’t like in your life.
So how do you turn that around?  Examine your belief about your ability to create a life on your terms. Examine, I mean really examine, your tendency to play the victim, to focus on what is happening to you, to where you are absolving yourself of responsibility for the results you are experiencing.
Shifting that belief is necessary if you want to create a life on your terms.  Take responsibility for your results and what you are experiencing in your life.  Decide that you have the ability to create a life you desire.  Then, get busy with the clarity exercise described above to understand what you truly desire.
This is a starting point on the road to being the star, writer, director and producer of your Life Movie.
To Your Continued Success!